This guide to growing seeds  is rather humorous and covered all necessary facts to grow a nice crop of seeds. Just take your time and read through it then grow, grow!!!


Get Started
Get some seeds. If you haven't started now get too it. Lots of people
save their seeds on a tray they stole from a cafeteria or a frisbee
of course. No need to pay them for them. Tell them they are for a friend.
People get busted because they tell a friend in strict confidence, who
tells a friend in strict confidence etc.


You cannot judge a seed by it's cover. Squeeze a seed gently and if
it breaks, it was harvested before the seeds matured. Get as large of a
variety of seeds as possible. Seeds from dirt weed look sometimes just like
the seeds of primo killer mo-jo weed, so get a large variety of seeds. Try
not to mix them together. Lots of time people will save seeds from
especially killer weed. Just get them already.
Get Some Containers to Start the Seeds in.
When you buy small flowers to plant outdoors at a garden store, save the
6-pack plastic trays they come it. Preferably with the plastic tray still
underneath. Tell the neighbors who ask that you're going to start some
pepper plants or something if you bum off others.
Another excellent container is the 2 liter bottle with cut in half at the
waist. These are free, a good way to recycle, and work well even for large
plants. You can get tons on recycling day if your city recycles, or you
can go to an apartment complex and raid the dumpsters. Don't jump in one
though because it may be full of bees, body parts, baby shit, or diabetic
hypodermic needles from a gay Elvis fan who has aids.
Get some dirt.
Get a large bag of top soil (not marijuanating soil from Kmart). Get top soil at
like a farm store the first time. Hyponex is shitty and overpriced and it
turns into mud too easily. You want soil with balls. Use Bagged commercial
soil for starting seeds. Wild dirt (from outside your house) is bad because
it has bugs in it. Weed is very pest resistant and you will never have to
spray chemicals on weed to protect it from pests other than maybe soap and
water to rinse a few bugs off sometime. However, very young seedlings are
VERY fragile. The worst enemy of seedlings is those little bugs that roll
into a ball when you touch them. They are harmless to plants, probably
beneficial to healthy plants, but they will bite the base of a seedling
and topple it over like a little DEA lumber jack. Very bad. Get a big bag
of soil from a garden store or farm market. NOT Hyponex MUD.

It's better if you allow SOME drainage from your seed starting containers.
If you use 2 liter bottles cut in half at the waist, poke a hole in the
bottom of each container by STABBING it violently with a sharp screw driver.
A screw driver with the tip ground into a sharp point works great!
If you use the regular seed starter things try using very small holes in
the bottom tray which may already be there.
Sprinkle in the dirt gently.
Fill the seed starter containers with dirt, very gently, by sprinkling the
dirt into the marijuanas or seed starter things by holding you hand over top
of the container and gently letting the dirt fall slowly and evenly into
place. No need to pack the dirt, but you should sprinkle the dirt in
such a way to break up any dirt clods or clumps before letting them fall
into the containers. Don't fill them completely.
Make holes for the seeds.

Use a pencil. Preferably a number two pencil that says "Property Of The
Federal Government" or a regular one if you can't get on of those. Poke
a small hole into the soil in each seed container, maybe three holes
if you are using 2 liter bottles.
Make each hold no deeper than an inch. A good way is to use a sharp
pencil, and poke it into the soil until the soil is even with the place
where the raw sharp wood ends and the yellow paint begins, which is
about an inch. No rocket science required here.
Drop in the seeds.
Drop one, (if it's for sure killer shit) two or three seeds into
each hole. Make sure your hands are dry first. A folded piece of paper
may help if you have a ton of seeds to plant, letting the seeds roll down
like a chute. If you miss don't panic.
Cover the seeds.
Again with the dirt, sprinkle a final thin covering of fine soil (no giant
clods or turds this time please) over the entire thing so the dirt looks
even and you can't see any of the seeds.
Water the seeds before putting on the covers.

Water them good, but don't have them floating either. You want sufficient
humidity but you don't want them to drown either. A even sprinkle with a
watering can works great, an atomizer will take all stinking day.
Put on the covers.
Cover the seed starting kit with it's hard plastic cover. You may poke a few
holes in the cover if you want so you can sprinkle water on top later and
have water slowly drip down inside.
If using two liters cut in half at the waist, cover them with saran wrap and
put a piece of masking tape around to hold it down tight. Poke two or
three small holes in the plastic with your magic pencil thing. So you
can water them later without removing the plastic.
Where do you set the seeds.
In the sun or partial sun is best, under a fluorescent light is good too.
Regular incandescent light (bulbs) is too fucking hot.
Do NOT let them dry out. (if they're too wet mold will form)
Get some good lights.
High Pressure sodium lights, or metal halide lights work great. Try a
400watt or smaller high pressure sodium or metal halide lighting setup.
You can order them from mail order companies cheaper than you can buy
them at the downtown electrical supply house.
In a pinch, you can line a closet size area with tin foil and stand as
many AND AS LONG (long is better) fluorescent fixtures everywhere you
People that grow primo indoors use High Pressure Sodium lights, which
are those street lights that are orange in color. Or Metal Halide which
a few bucks cheaper but just as good probably. Metal Halide lights are
white in color but better quality light than the average street light.
Get a light that's 400 watts or less. Use care in constructing a grow
room and you would do good to consult good books on the subject by
Ed Rosenthal (books by phone Berkeley California, call 1-800-infromation
operator to get the Books by phone address etc.)
Never use regular incandescent light bulbs (regular screw in) those little
screw in grow lights they sell at Kmart suck too. Don't waste your money,
use fluorescents if you can't afford the good stuff.
Air ventilation
Get a small cheap fan so you always have a small amount of air circulating
in your grow area.
Air ventilation, safety and other stuff.
If you grow indoors with big lights, you need safe air ventilation to
suck heat out of the room. Don't blow up your house for $%$#@ sake.
A thermostat controlled exhaust fan will work. Get one through the
mail from a indoor gardening mail order specialty place. There's a good
one that's in East Lansing Michigan, another one in Shepherdsville Kentucky.
Light timers.
Get ones big enough to handle the power you are using.
For growing plants, leave the lights on 24 hours a day.
For flowering plants YES! use a timer so it's dark 12 hours and light
for 12 hours.
Use Rapid-Gro
Fertilizer has 3 numbers on the label
First number - Middle Number - last number
For strong healthy growth when the lights are on 24 hours a day to
see how big the plants can get, use a fertilizer with a high
first number. 19-19-19 is good. etc.
For strong flowers (buds) when the lights are on 12 and off 12 hours, use
a fertilizer with a high MIDDLE number. 12-17-12 something like that.
Rapid-Gro fertilizer has been specially formulated for growing plants.
This is no secret to farmers. They're high middle number fertilizer
is called. Bud builders or something like that.

Need to know basis. People who are stoned always tell their friends about
their buddies grow room including location and everything. This is
way growers are so fucking paranoid, they can't even trust themselves.
Don't kill anybody I guess is the rule to follow. If you're a hillbilly
ignoramous you probably wouldn't be able to read this though.
When to fertilize seeds.
Try using regular water one watering and fertilized water the next one.
Mix fertilized water with one giant tablespoon per gallon (milk jug) of
water. Water when the soil is dry and begins to crack slightly. Water
more when starting small plants. Get rid of the crust that forms on top, like some of your friends, it's waste.
Get them as big as possible.
When they start to grow you may have to move them to bigger containers.
However you can grow using fertilizer in surprising small containers,
although they may get a little top heavy after a while. A can of house
paint would be an ideal container size. Don't use metal containers though.
Wait until they are root bound before transplanting. Avoid transplanting
seedlings because they are VERY fragile. Let the plants grow as
big as possible giving them as much light as possible. Grow as many as
Tell them to BUD, YES!!!!
When you have tons of plants growing like a fucking Vietnamese jungle, it's
time to bud them. Keep a watch out for buds even before you take them off
24 hours of light and put them on 12/12 light/dark.
When you're ready to start buds, the big giant leaves will have started to
turn brown and falling off a little bit. Now is the time to put the light
timers on 12/12 light/dark and begin to use a high middle number fertilizer.
When giant leaves begin to fall off help them off. Save these "sun" leaves
to smoke with your drunken buddies.
A few days after you adjust the lights to 12/12 and the fertilizer to high
middle number, they will start to bud. You are now ready to murder
half of your plants.
Kill the males.
When you notice any plant develop male reproductive organs, cut it down by
cutting the trunk at the base with big wire cutters. DO NOT shake the
plant, make one clean cut and remove it gently and put it in the bottom
of a distant closet on newspapers or something to dry out. Male sex organs
on male plants are like little tiny bags that contain pollen (plant sperm)
that is carried by the winds when the male sex organs get mature or dry out.
Carefully check the plants daily. Half the plants will be female. When you
think it's time to harvest (don't ask how long, they will tell you) begin
with the less beautiful females. Females have beautiful white flowers.
Let the healthiest most killer looking females grow as long as possible
and harvest VERY slowly starting with the less healthy less big budded
females. Short Squat females are best for indoors. Tall is hard to manage.
plants range in height from 2 feet (hybrids and central Asian) to
like 18 feet for good Mexican weed.
Save a few of the best females for your personal stash. Clip only one
healthy bud at a time. Cut the bud up with scissors and lay it in the
bottom of a clean wooden dresser drawer to dry. If you find a seed
in your weed PLANT IT!
Pretty soon people will come over all the time to bum weed. Kill them if
possible. When you run out you will learn who your real friends are.